Ok, so I can't do a Downward-Facing Dog pose yet...

...and I really didn't know what I got myself into when I accidentally stayed in a gym class too long before realizing that the BOSU class switched over to a yoga class. I thought I would get really relaxed and just go with the flow, but until I can actually tuck my stomach into my knee, yoga will probably have to wait.

That said, the interesting events of today leads me to my entry of the day. I have been struggling with my weight for as long as I can remember. Even before coming to the States, it's never been easy for me to control my diet, and the awesomely fantastic food of the Philippines didn't exactly help either. :) Then my family came to the States, and I remember for the first year or so most of our food came from Costco, and we bought the nastiest food you can think of: Meatballs by the ton, corn dogs, chicken nuggets, et al. Hometown Buffet was a staple after church; my favorite food in school was a ham and swiss croissant. Point being is, things got out of hand. 

And it didn't really stop there; there was a point in community college when I was actually using the family's treadmill pretty constantly, and thought that working at Subway, the "healthy" fast food, would help in my battle against my weight. Pretty much the next four years of college was a fluctuating battle with the bulge. Granted, I don't think my dorm experience would've been complete without the awesome branch @ Crossroads, with the chicken apple sausage and tater tots, but boy, that sure did a number on me. A HUGE, unfortunate number on the scale, that is. 

Despite all that, the one thing as tenacious as my voraciousness is my belief that I can be healthier. I'm typically one to pick up a hobby or an obsession then leave it after a while (case in point: Solitaire, Online crossword puzzles, Matthew McConaughey). Exercising and proper diet certainly wasn't an exception. I would lose weight, then gain it back again; I'd give up for a few months, then look at myself and tell myself "Seriously, it's time." In other words, I'm like any other human being trying to live better. 

But, I sincerely feel that there's something different about my goal towards being healthier this time around. I'm the first to be cynical, honestly, but I'm giving myself a better chance nowadays before jumping to ever-present self-doubts. More importantly, I'm giving myself more chances, and less time in between to act on those opportunities. I think it's the combination of having the resources (loving the YMCA), the shorter goals to be achieved (i.e. my sister's wedding), and just the honest tiredness of being tired that's really spurring this (hopefully) permanent change. 

God knows there are days that I'll be looking at this blog post and think "What a load of crap." Honestly, as I sit here writing this, I'm kinda hesitant writing about my generally positive attitude about this whole thing, because it's been a pretty stagnant four months for me in terms of weight loss. It's the dreaded plateau, and it's one of the reasons I joined the Y (my apartment's gym just wasn't enough, I figured). But, then again, I think that by virtue of publicly talking about this journey -- what with it's struggles and successes -- I'm decidedly saying that I can and will make it happen, for real, this time.

I still need a TON of help for sure, and it's still so hard for me to switch off that part of my brain that just ups and quits for the day. I don't think I'll ever stop needing a support system until I develop certain habits, and I'm still trying to figure out the best combination of resources that'll embed in me those habits until they're part of who I am. Is it a combination of gym and the Weight Watchers eTools? Should I go back to the Weight Watchers meetings? Do I need a gym buddy? Can I track down my food just on a notebook? Do I chronicle my day-to-day food episodes on a blog, perhaps as a deterrent of me bingeing on food? Do I need a dog collar to zap me if I've gone over my daily calories? I'm trying all these things, and I'm actually quite open to suggestions, because as the amazing Dr. Seuss says:

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose...And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.

And I want to go to the beach. In a bikini. :)