Paminsan-minsan, pag nakikita ko yung mga pictures ng mga kaibigan ko sa Philippines sa Facebook, nagiisip ako kung nasaan na kaya ako at this point of my life kung nandun pa 'rin ako nakatira. Lalo na ngayon na may mga websites katulad ng Facebook o Friendster (haha, Friendster, that's so two thousand and late), mas madalas kong napagiisipan..."Kung nasa Manila pa ako, ano na kaya ako ngayon?"
OK, I just realized that while it's so much easier for me to speak in Tagalog, it's exponentially easier for me to write in English. How's about them juxtaposition? It's funny, coz I've always written better in English, even though my native tongue is Tagalog, and always will be. Back in my sophomore year of high school in the Philippines, we had to write a minimum of 10-page (I think?) fiction piece, entirely in Tagalog. Oh my word, I think the only other time I've suffered as much writing anything was when I had to bullshit my way through a term paper for an online physics class (yes, online physics, probably the greatest WTF class in the history of man).
Typical digression aside, all the online-stalking of my friends/family in the Philippines, my visit to the PI last year, and just the starkness of this Minnesota winter (so alien from what I grew up in the last 20-some odd years) is making me wonder what and where I would be at this stage in my life, if I was still living in Manila.
Oddly (or maybe, not oddly) enough, the first and loudest answer to that question is: If I was still living in Manila today, I would probably be scrambling to get out of there. I know it sounds anti-patriotic, selfish, and probably why the Philippines is still struggling today, despite its abundant natural resources and wonderful geographic location (read: World War II; thanks for dragging us through the mud, bitches). But, the reality for millions of intelligent, hardworking Filipinos is that their output would probably be better compensated elsewhere. I am sure there are millions of wonderful opportunities in commerce over there. I do remember seeing Deutschbank, Allianz, Accenture, and other top companies with offices in Makati, and there's a lot of 'great' companies like San Miguel Corp., PLDT, and SM. Anyway, I really don't want to delve too deep into this issue, but I will point out that it's absolutely fascinating that even as I'm trying my hardest to formulate my "what-if" scenario, I still keep coming up against the same, stubborn conclusion: it would most likely involve me emigrating.
Ok, let's say we strike out that aforementioned option completely. I think it would be fun to start my phantasmagorical walk from where I left off (that is, when I left the Philippines):
Part I: High School
So there I was, marching down those next few yards towards my high school diploma. As I take my seat on the school stage, I am overwhelmed by happy memories. I look out to my 70+ fellow seniors and think of all our shared experiences in the last 4 years: overnight year-end parties, English week, Linggo ng Wika, camping trips, CAT trips, the Bivouac in Baguio, the quick therapy sessions where everyone get to pour their hearts out over four years of high school/teenage angst, et al.
-PS: I can't help snickering as I type this, because the latter part actually happened to some BAA alumni I know. It's very healing, I heard.
Part II: College
I go through college much like I went through high school: laser-focused and happily oblivious to my geekiness. I still live with my parents, because dorms are only for promdis (haha, how old is this lingo?). They pay for my college tuition, and I get a weekly allowance (I really cannot fathom this anymore). I commute a total of two hours every day, and I have developed an immunity to sweaty people on the Light Rail. During my four years in college, I find a favorite coffee shop by the mall, where my friends and I hang out to kill time until the rush hour dies down a little bit. On the weekends we go to the Mall (Mall of Asia, Megamall, SM North Edsa, Trinoma, whatever; we got them all). I drink a little bit, go to beerhouses once or twice with some friends, eat some street food, sing karaoke a lot, take the day off to watch Manny Pacquiao fight, all that fun stuff.
Part III: Work
I struggle finding a job for a while. It is not easy to get into those multinationals when they hire mostly B-school graduates and ex-patriates. I work, this time for real, at my family's hospital in the province. I like managing the place, but I'm a true City girl. So, I head back to Manila and keep trying. Eventually, I find a [TBD] job that I'm cool with. I now live in an apartment with a roommate, and I like going out to the mall and trying out different restaurants. Still.
Part IV: Religion
I stayed as the pianist for a children's choir until I left for college. Since I went to a non-religious school (against the strong protests of some relatives), I start to think more outside the churchly box. But, my family still goes to the same church every Saturday, and I still play the piano during 2nd Church service once in a while
Epilogue:
That's really all I can think of right now. Oh, I probably would be smaller there coz restaurants don't serve manhole-sized pancakes and 50-piece chicken nugget Happy Meals, and you can't just buy a side of cardiac arrest for a dollar. I find a guy who's slightly taller than me, and we would hang out at the mall. A lot. I'm telling you guys, the mall is to the Philippines what Costcos are to the United States: plentiful, huge, and air-conditioned.
Even with all this hard imagineering, all I've really come up with are generalities and a few scenarios I remember doing last year. I guess it's harder for me to visualize what could have been simply because I haven't been home in the Philippines in such a long time. I don't even know if it's home anymore; it seems more like a distant birthplace and childhood memory now.
There are days when I think, "Oh, how simpler things would be, if I just lived back in the Philippines." But, I know that's a naive statement, because what I'm referring to as 'simple' is my outdated concept of the Philippines from seven years ago, when I didn't have to worry about paying the bills or buying groceries or things like that. Whether I'm in Minnesota, California, or Manila, in 2010 I would be an ADULT, dealing with adult situations. Maybe my next note would be "If I was still a kid." Or, "If I was a millionaire" (I'll be on the cover of Forbes magazine, smiling next to Oprah and the Queen. You know it).
I'm probably going to be writing more about this "shoulda, coulda, woulda" the more I think about it. It's a fun exercise for my brain. The scenarios will change, and the details will evolve, but one truth remains the same: I'm proud of where I came from, and I'm prouder of where that has taken me.
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