The unknowing passerby to this entry should know that a) I'm not a pimp and b) I'm not putting all the blame on hookers; they wouldn't have to do the job if men can get the loving they need from legal sources.
To the devoted legions of the criminally-cancelled show Arrested Development, the title refers to one of the awesomest lines uttered by GOB, only slightly one-upped by the line that preceded it: "Illusion, Michael."
OK, if you haven't seen a single episode of Arrested Development, let me just stop you right there and advise -- nay, COMMAND -- you to watch this series. It's seriously worth the free trial week on Netflix, since all three seasons are on their Watch Instantly roster. And I swear you will end up watching all 56 episodes in less time than it takes to corn corned beef. Arrested Development is the funniest comedy in all of TV history. I know, that's a pretty bold statement. But, I'm just one person. Ask any one of the millions of followers of this awesome cult. Ask my sister who I turned on to this show and watched every single episode in record time. That's saying something, since my sister is not exactly pop culture savvy; hell, she doesn't even know who The Situation is. So epic is this show that I have literally seen every episode at least 4 times.
I've spent the last few paragraphs and the last neurons of my brain hyping up this show and you, the non-believer (for shame!) say, "But the show got cancelled!" I have one theory about why the show was canned, and that it was too brilliant for its own good. You have to be super ninja fast at catching all the jokes or watch the show more than once to get even 75% of the hilarity. And (I'm totally being blasphemous here), but it was probably good that its life was so short, because it will always maintain a reputation of being an effing hilarious show that never lost its edge for one second. From Tobias's stint as a member of the Blue Man Group ("I just blue myself") to GOB's love for his magic...and his Segway, to Lindsay's self-absorbed quips, and so much more, including all the stupid -- and wrong -- chicken imitations, this show is full of wondrous family dysfunction that will make you feel better about your family.
One of my fave TV websites, www.televisionwithoutpity.com, has a great article on things they'll miss about AD. I decided to make my own list of 10 AD Things I miss most, in no particular order:
10) Who? I'm sorry, I mean...Her? - The forgettable Ann Veal, played by Parenthood's Mae Whitman, is one of the funniest characters outside the Bluth family, because no one really gets Ann. Her holier-than-thou Christian attitude is only tempered with a hidden desire to learn "the ways of the secular flesh".
9) Annyong - Lucille and George's adopted son from North Korea, this kid not only tortures Buster with his ability to drink more than one juice box, but he also delivers one of the funniest and most sinister blows to bring down the troublesome Bluth family. You have to watch the series to the end though (it's pleasurable to do so, trust me).
8) Girls with Low Self Esteem - AD's version of "Girls Gone Wild," this video series was a central part of several AD episodes, including an episode wherein Lindsay angrily protests the creator of the show (played by the adorkable Zach Braff); and its title cannot be more accurate, don't you think?
7) Bluth Banana Stand - It's a frozen banana stand on Balboa Island. It's a Big Yellow Joint. There's always money in the banana stand. Need I say more? No.
6) "I've made a huge mistake" - Ah, who hasn't made one in his/her life? Except when the Bluth family members make them, it just seems funnier.
5) Work meetings - If every work meeting involves a magician with pennies bursting from his sleeves, or your mom swinging in drunk, the workday would be soooo much more interesting.
4) Lucille 2 - Played by the real-life mannequin doll Liza Minelli, Lucille 2 is Gangy's frenemy, has vertigo, was in a love triangle between GOB and Buster, and has more than her own share of funny moments.
3) Les Cousins Dangereux - The forbidden and awkward affection that George Michael has for his cousin Maeby has produced some epic scenes between the relatives, including a mock wedding that turned into the cousins getting married..for real.
2) George Oscar "GOB" Bluth - What's not to love about the self-absorbed, womanizing, naive, and crybaby ("Taste the happy, Michael!") oldest Bluth? Answer: nothing. I think GOB has the purest of intentions, but achieves them in the most demented ways. He poisons his father to get him out of a house, blows up his family's yacht to fulfill a disappearing act for his magic show, and marries an unknown woman after a night full of escalating dares.
1) Tobias - Unquestionably the funniest character in the show, Tobias is just too hilarious beyond words. Everything he says is so ridiculous that one can only quote it over and over again, and prepare for laughs and applause. Bangers in the mouth... I just blue myself...Tobias, you blow hard... Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder? 'Nuff said.
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